Presentations + Rejections

The past several days have been packed full of emotions, both good and bad. Over the course of about a week, Chris and I said yes to presenting to 4 different expectant moms! Two of them chose other families on Sunday, and one of them chose another family on Tuesday. I’m not going to lie to y’all, it was tough receiving those emails. Our consultant always reminds the families she works with that receiving a “No” from an expectant mom is really just God saying, “Not yet.” But honestly, it felt more like a big fat rejection. But, most hopeful adoptive families present to 40-60 cases before they are chosen, so we are just getting started!

I was very surprised by how attached I got to the unborn babies and their mommas. I did not expect to be quite as emotional as I was about not being chosen. I mean, I think Chris and I are awesome! Of course we should get picked right away! 🙂 In all seriousness though, it doesn’t matter what I think. All that matters is that the expectant mom makes the decision that is best for her baby, and for herself. And not everyone is going to think that we are the best fit for raising their baby, and that is absolutely okay. I’m completely fine now that the initial hurt of three rejections, back to back, has worn off. And we’ve presented to more cases this week!

We really have been receiving a lot of cases every week. The amount of cases coming in certainly changes from week to week, but since we’ve been active we’ve received at least 3 cases per week. It’s really comforting to know that there are so many situations that are very close to what we’ve been praying for. Even if we don’t match, it’s such an honor to even be able to present to an expectant family. It is overwhelming though. Sometimes we’ll get an email about a case and we have very little time to decide whether or not to present. It can get really stressful. Last week I sat in the parking lot at Walmart while Chris was at work, and we talked about a case we had to respond to in less than 5 hours. While we went round and round about whether or not we should say yes to that one, another case came through. It was a really stressful afternoon, to say the least!

Every time a new situation is presented to us we get a little bit nervous. Even when it seems like we have a lot in common with the expectant mom and we feel like it would be a good fit, there are so many unknowns. There are varying degrees of information given to us on the background of the mom, and on her situation. Some of the agencies send a lot of information, and some of them send not much more than when the baby is due and in what state. It’s scary, and we have to rely a lot on our faith and trust that we are presenting to cases that are prudent and that we are presenting because we truly feel like we are being called to present, not just because we want a fast match. But to be totally honest, I almost want to present to every single case we see, not because I want to get chosen more quickly, but because given the opportunity, I’d welcome all the babies. Every one of them. And I’d do it with a smile on my face! Even the cases where we chose not to present were difficult decisions. I did not expect that. I guess I thought that each case would either be everything we’ve been praying for or totally out of the ballpark. But that’s not how it’s been at all, and it’s hard to say no because, like I said, you get kind of attached almost immediately.

I’m really excited for the next few months. I’m extremely hopeful that we will be chosen by an expectant momma really soon, and that we’ll be welcoming a baby in the very near future. I’m also fearful though. I’m scared the adoption will be disrupted, that the biological mom will change her mind, that we’ll have to wait years for a match, and the list goes on. But I have been reminding myself that if a woman decides to parent her baby, and she is in a good (albeit probably difficult) place in her life, how can that be a bad thing? It would really be hard for us because we’d have come to love that baby too, and on top of that, adoption ain’t cheap, but the welfare of the baby is THE most important thing. So I’m doing my best to be excited for each new step and to not let the fear be in the forefront of my mind. For me, that means being hopeful for every situation we present to, but not counting my chickens before they’re hatched, ya know? I’m thrilled that we are presenting to so many cases. Absolutely overjoyed. But I also know every single one of those moms can choose another family, and even when we are chosen, there’s no guarantee that everything will go off without a hitch. Right now, we’re waiting to hear updates from three different expectant moms. It’s very exciting! I’m still compulsively checking my email and praying for more cases but also praying for no emailed updates because those are rejection letters. 🙂

So that’s where we’re at this week. It may not seem like a lot has changed, but we really have been busy and emotionally stressed. And that’s okay. We’re counterbalancing it with spending lots of quality time together, and it also helps so much that we have close friends and family to vent to when it gets to be overwhelming. We are really looking forward to hearing back about the moms we’ve presented to. Even if we don’t get chosen by any of them, I’ve gotten so concerned about them. It’s such a weird thing, but I suppose it’s a good thing, because we need to have an emotional connection with the biological mother of our children. And I’m just a naturally compassionate and emotional person, so it comes easy to me, I guess.

I know I’ve said it before, but this part of the process is really hard for me, and even more so now because we’re presenting to multiple expectant moms at pretty much the same time and that really feels like three times the anxiety. Haha. It’s crazy to me that right now, there are three women out there, in different parts of the country, reading through our profile book, learning about our lives, and seeing all our pictures, while trying to imagine what their child would look like with us. That has to be such a scary thing for them. So I’m praying for them daily, and I hope y’all are too. And not just for the moms that we’re currently presenting to, but every woman contemplating adoption for her baby. It’s such a huge, life-changing decision, and we should all pray that they have courage and support to make the right choice, and peace in whatever decision they come to. Y’all know I’m praying for you! ❤