Hey! Welcome back! What a week this has been y’all. Last weekend we were so excited for four days off and no agenda, but on Saturday I came down with the wicked stomach virus that has apparently been going around. Chris caught it a couple of weeks ago, but it wasn’t horrible and he got over it pretty quickly. But then he handed it off to me, and the rest of the family, then caught it again himself. So we were both down for the count all weekend long. It was miserable. Thankfully we were not both at our sickest at the same time, though, so we were able to take care of each other through the worst of it. And now we are better and healthy and can eat actual food again!

This weekend, with Tropical Storm Barry looming in the Gulf, I wanted to make sure I have things to do at home in the event that the power goes out (as I’m sure it will) and the surrounding areas are covered in water. Of course I’ll be reading all the books I can get my hands on, because given the opportunity I would sit and read all day long. But I also tend to like a variety of activities to occupy myself with. These last few weeks I’ve been itching to get back into playing the guitar, so I got the old one I used to use from my mom’s house and had it restrung and tuned. And while I was listening to the sounds of the strings being stretched just the right amount to reach the perfect pitch, it occurred to me that that’s exactly what God does in our lives. Isn’t it? He stretches us and pulls us out of our comfort zones, and just when we feel like we are on the verge of snapping, He uses us to make the most beautiful music. If we let Him.

That’s kind of how I keep having to look at this adoption process. I feel like we are being pulled every which way in terms of the roller coaster of emotions we’ve been experiencing these last few months. One day we’re excited and hopeful and we say yes to presenting to new cases with so much joy and anticipation. Then on other days, we send our yes with almost no feeling at all, not because we aren’t excited, but because it’s just hard to get our hopes up. We have received several cases this past week and we are currently presenting to one expectant mom right now. We probably won’t hear anything about that case until next week. But I can honestly say that I have no expectations about it. Again, not because I’m not hopeful, but because I can’t place my own ideas and hopes in each situation and expect to not be disappointed.

I guess I might need to clarify what I mean when I say that I don’t have any expectations. I do have expectations. But I am expecting that God’s will is going to prevail. It won’t matter what I want if what I want is different from what He wants. So when I say “no expectations,” I really just mean that I want what God wills. I want the baby He wants us to have. I can’t spend my time being upset when we don’t get chosen because if we weren’t chosen, that wasn’t the baby God meant for us to have, and why would I want anything less than what God has planned for us? I’ve certainly come to understand that His way is always the best way, even when it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. And I’m not saying that we can’t be upset when things don’t go our way. We’re human, it’s a perfectly natural and very human reaction to be discouraged when our plans and hopes aren’t met how we expect them to be. But I’ve learned that we can actually be joyful no matter what happens in our lives because we can rest assured that God has a bigger and better plan than ours. And we will never be disappointed in the long term if we work to align our wills and desires to His.

So friends, this week I’m challenging y’all to let God stretch you to become what He wants you to be. Believe me, I know that’s easier said than done. But if we allow God to work in our lives, and to mold us and tune us to the pitch He needs us to sing, just imagine the joyful noises we could make. And I do mean noises, because goodness knows I can’t sing. 🙂 Anyway, I don’t have any deep, profound words for y’all. Not that I ever really do, but still. This week I just keep thinking of those guitar strings and how I want to be tuned to exactly the pitch God needs me to sing. And that goes for every aspect of my life. If God allows suffering, I want to learn to accept it well, and if He grants every desire of my heart, I still want to be in tune to what He needs me to be, and to never forget that all good things come from Him.

I hope everyone in the path of Barry remains safe and dry this weekend. We have all our essentials to weather this storm, including lots of snacks because this is Louisiana in hurricane season, after all. In all seriousness though, I hope this storm isn’t as bad as it’s projected to be and that everyone is safe. Please pray for us and for the expectant momma we are currently presenting to, and pray for her baby too. And don’t forget that you are so special and loved, and only you can sing the songs God has written for your life. Let Him make you what He needs you to be! I’m praying for y’all! ❤

Hey there friends! I hope y’all had the best week. We are enjoying Chris’s long weekend and other than watching the new season of Stranger Things our plans are pretty wide open and laid back, just the way we like it.

I just want to take a minute and thank y’all for the prayers and kind words on last week’s blog post. Some weeks are really difficult and I appreciate y’all having our backs. I needed that week of just allowing myself to feel those negative emotions, and it really helped me a lot to realize that it’s okay to feel bad, and it’s not something that necessarily needs to be changed right away. But this week, I’m choosing to find the joy.

This week, you will all be happy to know, we did say yes to a case and had no expectations. Well, okay, I did have some hope and a couple expectations, but I kept them really deep down inside, and I honestly expected a rejection in response to our Yes. Which is exactly what we got. But hey, on the bright side, we were right about the rejection! That’s a point for us, right? That’s how this works, isn’t it? I know, I sound really cynical, but I feel like you have to have a certain sense of humor to help get through things like adoption and the waiting process. So I’m playing the Glad Game and finding the good in situations this week. (For those of y’all unfamiliar with the Glad Game, you should brush up on your old movie knowledge and watch the Disney classic Pollyanna. It’s adorable, and you can all thank me later. 🙂 )

In totally unrelated to adoption news, I recently joined a little virtual Bible study with an absolutely lovely and very holy group of ladies. We are reading through Proverbs, a book of the Bible I certainly never give much thought to. And y’all, I am loving it. It can be a little bit slow sometimes, but the questions the group leader has come up with every day are absolutely perfect and I can so relate to so many things in this book when I look at the chapters from the perspective of the questions that are posed. The reason I bring this up is because for so long I really didn’t take time to sit and read my Bible. I don’t know if I just never tried to make a habit of it or if I maybe have always preferred other forms of prayer, but whatever the case may be, I’m so glad I’m taking time every day to read just one chapter of the Bible.

I’ve been really open about the fact that structured prayer time is hard for me. It just is, and it might always be. Granted, it got harder after my miscarriage, and I have certainly spent more time wallowing in grief than I have in designated prayer time, but that’s kind of beside the point. The point is, this Bible study has really been helpful to me in terms of setting aside time to just be with Jesus. I said I would join the group and contribute, and I did. I committed to it, and I committed to reading the Bible pretty much every day for a month, and I’m already feeling the benefits of that quiet, deliberate prayer time, even after only a week.

Earlier during the week we read chapter 2 of Proverbs, and two of the verses were used for some meditation in our group. The verses were basically saying that the good and upright would live happy lives but the wicked would be destroyed. The leader of the group challenged us to think about how that could be misconstrued, and how it could be used to say that if you’re good here on Earth, you won’t ever have to suffer. And she even went so far as to suggest that suffering is a privilege for people actively seeking to get to Heaven. I won’t lie to y’all, I did not at all think about suffering as a privilege before I spent some extra time thinking about those verses and that chapter of Proverbs.

I often talk about offering up sufferings and how that can benefit us. But the idea of suffering as a gift was new to me at the beginning of this week and now I can’t thank my sweet new Bible study friend enough for opening my eyes to that concept. Our sufferings are truly a privilege. God doesn’t want us to hurt and He never wants bad things to happen to us. But He does want us to spend eternity in Heaven with Him. And sometimes, because we have a tendency to screw up our lives a little bit, He allows us to suffer through painful trials because it gives us the opportunity to gain the graces necessary for us to get to Heaven one day.

Friends, our sufferings can absolutely be a gift (a usually unwelcome one, sure, but still beneficial) and we can either choose to accept them with God’s help and His grace, or we can kick and scream and fight them. They’ll come around either way, we just have to choose how to handle the difficult things that happen in our lives. It doesn’t matter how holy we are, how many hours we spend in prayer every day, how often we go to Confession, or how much money we place in the collection basket on Sundays. We WILL experience sufferings. Good and holy people will suffer on Earth, as will everyone, because our time on Earth is only meant to be a journey back to Heaven. I can absolutely promise y’all that the next time I’m faced with a trial (which, let’s face it, won’t be long from now because we’re adopting, so sufferings and trials are plentiful) I will most likely gripe and complain about it at first. Because I’m human. But with prayer and trust in God’s love for me, I will eventually (hopefully) accept my cross for the day with grace and joy. And we all have that opportunity, every single day of our lives. Let’s not waste it! Let’s find the joy and take every chance we get to grow closer to Christ, even when that means we’re uncomfortable and struggling. Heaven is worth the sufferings on Earth.

I hope that next week I can share all kinds of fun things with y’all about our adoption process, but if not, that’s okay. God has a plan. I honestly feel like I say that out of habit now, but it’s true. He does have a plan and it’s better than mine. It obviously takes a lot longer than what I had planned, but in the end, His is still better. So I will share adoption news when we have some. Please continue to pray for the moms that we will present to, and for their babies. And please pray for us as we continue to wait (im)patiently for lots of new cases to roll in. We are so thankful for all your prayers and for the love our future baby already has from so many people. And know that I’m praying for y’all!

You know that book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day”? This week, in terms of adoption things, has felt a little bit like that book for me. I’ve spent the last few days in a bit of a funk. This whole waiting business is for the birds. We’re not currently actively presenting to any situations, and that’s a little scary for me. In total so far we’ve presented to six situations, and we received six No’s in response. That’s a little scary to me too.

Every week when I sit down to write these posts, I always try to be positive. I do my best to find the joy in every situation, because that’s my natural inclination. But this week has really knocked me down, and I’ve been reminded that it’s okay to feel how you feel. I used to want to always turn bad moods around and get back to being happy as quickly as possible. I always thought that was a really good way to live, and I’m sure it is, because it takes so much more energy to maintain a bad mood than it does to get back into a good mood. But lately I’ve been having to just live with my negative emotions, and I’m learning to be okay with it. Adoption is hard. It’s completely natural to get bogged down by all the feelings surrounding it.

Before Chris and I started down this road we would spend every month hoping that I would get pregnant, and then we would be crushed when it didn’t happen. Even now we still hope and I know we will until it’s no longer the tiniest bit possible for me to have a baby. But the emotions that come with adoption are even more complex because they don’t just involve us, they involve a whole other family too. And there really is a lot of fear that goes with adoption. I know I try to stay positive, but it’s important for y’all to know that I’m really not always happy and excited and cheerful. I wish I was; I’m sure I’d be a lot more pleasant to be around all the time. 🙂 But the reality is, we all have bad days. And in adoption, I’m learning quickly that rough days are plentiful.

I know I should probably be nothing but thankful that we are able to be on this journey. And I am thankful. I’m unbelievably thankful. But it still really sucks sometimes. It’s so hard because we’ve wanted children for such a long time, and it’s really easy to question why God would allow us to experience infertility and miscarriage. Why does He allow pregnancy for women who genuinely don’t want their children? Why does He let women who do drugs their whole pregnancy have healthy, happy babies who are placed in foster homes and moved from one family to another their whole childhood? Why can’t we have a baby?

Just so y’all know, I am totally fine. This is a phase, and we’ll be back to the regularly scheduled, happy and cheerful programming next week. But today, right now, I needed to vent. The negative feelings brought on by infertility don’t go away. They become less prominent, definitely, but they’re always there. I’m surprised by them sometimes. I’ll scroll through Instagram and see YET ANOTHER pregnancy announcement and my eyes roll so far into my head I’m surprised they make it back to their original position. It just doesn’t go away. And today is one of those days where those feelings are right at the surface and I might as well get them out. That’s what this platform is for anyway, so that other people know they’re not alone in their struggles. Someone else is sharing the same boat and you don’t have to paddle by yourself. We all have sufferings, friends. Every single person is struggling with something. The key is to make sure our suffering isn’t in vain. We can either choose to be bitter all the time, and let the sufferings take over our lives, or we can allow ourselves to feel how we feel, acknowledge the painful moments (or days, or weeks) and then move on, all while knowing that our suffering is what will lead us to Heaven if we let it, and we offer it up. Think of all the souls our everyday sufferings can save! It makes it a whole lot easier for me when I remember that our struggles can be offered up to save souls, and to help save our own souls too.

This was a really off week, but next week will be better. I have faith that we will receive some really good cases and we can present to some more expectant moms, and hopefully be matched soon. I’m going into it from here on out with no expectations. I know that sounds really pessimistic, and it probably is, but it’s definitely for the best. It’s better for my heart right now to say yes to presenting and then have no expectations about the outcome. Which is much easier said than done, so we’ll see how it goes. Please know that I am so excited about this process, and if I ever don’t want to talk about it, it’s not because I’m not hopeful or happy to be adopting, because y’all know we’re excited! It’s because it’s just really freaking hard sometimes. And that’s okay. Because some weeks are like that, even in Australia. 🙂 And I know without a doubt that these hard days will be worth it. Pray for us! I’m praying for y’all! ❤

The past several days have been packed full of emotions, both good and bad. Over the course of about a week, Chris and I said yes to presenting to 4 different expectant moms! Two of them chose other families on Sunday, and one of them chose another family on Tuesday. I’m not going to lie to y’all, it was tough receiving those emails. Our consultant always reminds the families she works with that receiving a “No” from an expectant mom is really just God saying, “Not yet.” But honestly, it felt more like a big fat rejection. But, most hopeful adoptive families present to 40-60 cases before they are chosen, so we are just getting started!

I was very surprised by how attached I got to the unborn babies and their mommas. I did not expect to be quite as emotional as I was about not being chosen. I mean, I think Chris and I are awesome! Of course we should get picked right away! 🙂 In all seriousness though, it doesn’t matter what I think. All that matters is that the expectant mom makes the decision that is best for her baby, and for herself. And not everyone is going to think that we are the best fit for raising their baby, and that is absolutely okay. I’m completely fine now that the initial hurt of three rejections, back to back, has worn off. And we’ve presented to more cases this week!

We really have been receiving a lot of cases every week. The amount of cases coming in certainly changes from week to week, but since we’ve been active we’ve received at least 3 cases per week. It’s really comforting to know that there are so many situations that are very close to what we’ve been praying for. Even if we don’t match, it’s such an honor to even be able to present to an expectant family. It is overwhelming though. Sometimes we’ll get an email about a case and we have very little time to decide whether or not to present. It can get really stressful. Last week I sat in the parking lot at Walmart while Chris was at work, and we talked about a case we had to respond to in less than 5 hours. While we went round and round about whether or not we should say yes to that one, another case came through. It was a really stressful afternoon, to say the least!

Every time a new situation is presented to us we get a little bit nervous. Even when it seems like we have a lot in common with the expectant mom and we feel like it would be a good fit, there are so many unknowns. There are varying degrees of information given to us on the background of the mom, and on her situation. Some of the agencies send a lot of information, and some of them send not much more than when the baby is due and in what state. It’s scary, and we have to rely a lot on our faith and trust that we are presenting to cases that are prudent and that we are presenting because we truly feel like we are being called to present, not just because we want a fast match. But to be totally honest, I almost want to present to every single case we see, not because I want to get chosen more quickly, but because given the opportunity, I’d welcome all the babies. Every one of them. And I’d do it with a smile on my face! Even the cases where we chose not to present were difficult decisions. I did not expect that. I guess I thought that each case would either be everything we’ve been praying for or totally out of the ballpark. But that’s not how it’s been at all, and it’s hard to say no because, like I said, you get kind of attached almost immediately.

I’m really excited for the next few months. I’m extremely hopeful that we will be chosen by an expectant momma really soon, and that we’ll be welcoming a baby in the very near future. I’m also fearful though. I’m scared the adoption will be disrupted, that the biological mom will change her mind, that we’ll have to wait years for a match, and the list goes on. But I have been reminding myself that if a woman decides to parent her baby, and she is in a good (albeit probably difficult) place in her life, how can that be a bad thing? It would really be hard for us because we’d have come to love that baby too, and on top of that, adoption ain’t cheap, but the welfare of the baby is THE most important thing. So I’m doing my best to be excited for each new step and to not let the fear be in the forefront of my mind. For me, that means being hopeful for every situation we present to, but not counting my chickens before they’re hatched, ya know? I’m thrilled that we are presenting to so many cases. Absolutely overjoyed. But I also know every single one of those moms can choose another family, and even when we are chosen, there’s no guarantee that everything will go off without a hitch. Right now, we’re waiting to hear updates from three different expectant moms. It’s very exciting! I’m still compulsively checking my email and praying for more cases but also praying for no emailed updates because those are rejection letters. 🙂

So that’s where we’re at this week. It may not seem like a lot has changed, but we really have been busy and emotionally stressed. And that’s okay. We’re counterbalancing it with spending lots of quality time together, and it also helps so much that we have close friends and family to vent to when it gets to be overwhelming. We are really looking forward to hearing back about the moms we’ve presented to. Even if we don’t get chosen by any of them, I’ve gotten so concerned about them. It’s such a weird thing, but I suppose it’s a good thing, because we need to have an emotional connection with the biological mother of our children. And I’m just a naturally compassionate and emotional person, so it comes easy to me, I guess.

I know I’ve said it before, but this part of the process is really hard for me, and even more so now because we’re presenting to multiple expectant moms at pretty much the same time and that really feels like three times the anxiety. Haha. It’s crazy to me that right now, there are three women out there, in different parts of the country, reading through our profile book, learning about our lives, and seeing all our pictures, while trying to imagine what their child would look like with us. That has to be such a scary thing for them. So I’m praying for them daily, and I hope y’all are too. And not just for the moms that we’re currently presenting to, but every woman contemplating adoption for her baby. It’s such a huge, life-changing decision, and we should all pray that they have courage and support to make the right choice, and peace in whatever decision they come to. Y’all know I’m praying for you! ❤

Hey everyone! I hope y’all had a wonderful week and are looking forward to a fun-filled, relaxing weekend. My birthday was last Sunday, and we had the best weekend! Remember how I mentioned that Chris and I are soaking up all the time we can with just the two of us? Well, we took advantage of being able to just get up and go, and we took a little drive down to New Orleans.

I had been talking about wanting to go to New Orleans for a few weeks and was anxiously watching the weather to see if it would be clear and pretty so we wouldn’t be caught in the rain the whole day. Last Saturday we woke up to sunny skies, so we hopped in the car and drove a couple hours for beignets and cafe au lait, and then a visit to the National WWII Museum, which is my personal favorite place to visit in New Orleans. And since this month is the 75th anniversary of D-Day, there were extra exhibits for us to explore. So we spent all day in that museum because I’m a huge history nerd, especially when it comes to WWII history. My grandpa was a veteran of WWII, and I never got to meet him, but it totally fascinates me to see pictures of the places he saw, and to hear stories of the brave men he fought alongside of.

Before we came back home, Chris surprised me by taking me to eat my favorite spinach and artichoke dip from one of my favorite restaurants. It’s a last meal kind of food for me. I love it. And I rarely get to enjoy it, so we stopped and had beer and spinach and artichoke dip and my heart was so happy. It really brings me so much joy being married to a man who is so thoughtful and who loves me so well. I know that stopping for an appetizer at a restaurant might seem like a little thing, but Chris took the time to make sure my birthday was perfect, and that little gesture was just one way he showed me how much he loves me.

Then he baked me a cake, a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, and covered it in sprinkles. He hates sprinkles but I love them. And if I ever doubt that Chris loves me, I just have to remember that he bought me flowers for our anniversary (he hates buying flowers) and covered my birthday cake with sprinkles. That’s true love people. 🙂

We have been receiving more expectant mother cases this last week, and it’s been really exciting. We only said yes to presenting to one of them, and we actually gave our yes on my birthday! It was definitely a special day because of that. Now we wait…again. Haha. Are y’all sensing a trend here? We are doing a lot of waiting these days. But we were so excited to get that case on Friday, and to feel like we were being called to present to the situation. We would very much appreciate prayers for these next few days of waiting. It typically is about 10 days before an expectant mother makes a decision on an adoptive family. That seems like a lot of days to wait, but on the flip side, this mother is deciding who will be given the privilege and joy of raising and loving her child. It’s the hardest decision she will likely ever make in her lifetime. 10 days is nothing for a decision like that.

The way it works with our consulting agency is if we are chosen by an expectant mom/family, we will get a call from our consultant. But if we present and aren’t chosen, we’ll receive an email. Y’all, I’ve been obsessively checking my email this week. On one hand, I want to get an email from the consultant with more cases for us to consider. But on the other hand, every time I check and I don’t have an email from her, my heart jumps a little bit because we didn’t get an email saying we weren’t chosen in the case we presented to, so that means there’s still a chance! All these emotions, friends. I can’t even describe all the emotions. They run the gambit from calm and accepting and peaceful to anxious and nervous and completely stressed out. But it’s all part of the process.

I had debated a little bit in my mind as to whether or not I would share when we present to situations, and I decided that I would because I feel like we need to celebrate every little step in this process. The adoption process is so hard and stressful, and it’s chock-full of unknowns. But what we do know is that y’all’s prayers are so beautiful and give us so much strength. So we decided a while back that we would celebrate the little joys that come throughout this process, and that includes being given the opportunity to present to different situations. And it absolutely includes y’all being able to pray specifically for those situations.

Please pray for the expectant mom who is currently looking at our profile, along with who knows how many other profiles from other families. Pray for her to have strength and wisdom to make the right choice for her and her baby. And if she decides to choose a family other than ours, pray for our acceptance, and for us to be reminded that God will lead us right to where He needs us to be. But most importantly, please pray for the babies in the cases we’re seeing, that they thrive as they grow, and that whether they stay with their biological family or are placed in an adoptive family, they always know that they’re completely and unconditionally loved. I’m praying for y’all! ❤

When I used to hear people talk about the waiting in adoption being the hardest part, I guess I wasn’t really aware of how much waiting there would be. Especially once all the paperwork is done. We ran around like crazy getting all those forms filled out and meeting all our requirements, so that we could get everything done in a timely manner. But now that all those tasks are completed and those boxes are checked, the real waiting has set in.

We have received one case so far that matched our preferences to some extent, but Chris and I both felt like it wasn’t the case God was calling us to present to. And we are totally at peace with that decision. My prayer is that when we receive a case we are meant to present to, God will make it clear and obvious to us. But for now, we’re just waiting.

I’m not good at waiting. I prefer doing. I prefer to know exactly what needs to happen, and exactly what will happen once I do my part, and then getting it done. But I can almost feel God chuckling at me from Heaven, because now I can’t rely on anything but Him. I can’t make anything happen at this point in the process. We are at the point where the only thing we can control is whether or not to present to a case. And once we present, we again have no control over the outcome, even once we’re matched with an expectant mom. So I’m definitely learning to roll with the punches. I’m not good at it yet, and I really don’t like doing it, but that’s neither here nor there. What matters is that I’m learning to step out of my comfort zone of controlling things. I’m learning to hand everything over to God. This whole portion of the process is just scary and out of our control, and it’s not easy at all. We have to step out in faith, trusting that God will not give us more than we can handle with His help and His grace. We are absolutely capable of doing that, but we’re also human and there’s a lot of fear involved in handing over the reins. But it’s really a beautiful journey, and I keep focusing as best I can on the joyful outcome we will experience, while still embracing the challenges that come with adoption.

The intense emotions of the adoption process have really been hitting me the last week or so, since we started seeing cases. It’s really difficult to see situations and not present to them, and it’s hard to imagine what those expectant moms must be feeling. It’s hard to know that they are out there, possibly scared to death, and loving a baby they will most likely not take home from the hospital. That’s really sad to me. Please say some prayers for them. I’m still praying for the mommas in the five cases we chose not to present to. My heart instantly went out to them and now that I know about them I can’t help but continue to pray for them and their babies. And you know what else? I feel so much hope when I think about the families who will be chosen to love those babies, because it reminds me that one day soon, that’ll be us. We’ll be the family an expectant mother chooses to love her baby. That’s a heavy, beautiful, and amazing weight to carry. And it really fills my heart with a hope that I haven’t had in a long time.

So I guess I don’t really have any big updates to share this week, but that’s okay. Chris and I are really just trying to soak in all the time we have with just us, and really embrace this season of waiting and uncertainty. While it is stressful and filled with anxiety, these are potentially the last months we will have just being Hannah and Chris, before we become Mom and Dad to a new baby. So we’re enjoying every minute of that time.

Speaking of enjoying every minute, it’s my birthday weekend, people! And y’all better believe I’m going to love every minute of it. I love my birthday. I always have, and I think I always will. If I live to be 100, I’m still going to get excited about my birthday, because I feel like growing old is a privilege. Not that I’m old or anything. I’ve still got one more year to go before I hit my 30s, then I’ll be old. 🙂 But I have always felt that you shouldn’t fear getting older. You should embrace it and thank God that you’re able to spend so many years on this earth with your loved ones, and thank Him that there’s still life left for you to live and work on getting to Heaven. I have a feeling this last year of my 20s will be one of the best. Also, this year I really feel like an adult. I’m turning 29, and I’ve done all kinds of adult things and I’m extremely responsible, but this is the first year of my life I actually made my own dentist appointment. True story. Chris usually does it because I hate going to the dentist. And I’m pretty bummed I have to start my birthday weekend out with a trip to the dentist, but I am also pretty proud of myself for actually making that appointment. It’s the little things. 🙂

Friends, please please p l e a s e keep praying for us, especially now that we are seeing more cases. It’s really difficult to know when to present and when to pass, and it’s also scary because you have to wonder if you’re passing up on the situation you were meant to present to. But I know God is guiding us, and He won’t let us miss our baby. So y’all just pray. And know that your prayers will be helping us feel peace in our decisions, and they will be helping us come closer and closer to meeting our baby (or babies!). I’m praying for y’all! ❤

Friends! We are officially active in our consulting agency, and ready to start presenting!! We’ve known since Tuesday, and I’ve wanted to shout it from the rooftops so all of y’all could hear it, but I decided to wait and share it here instead. 🙂

We received the email from our consulting agency on Tuesday morning, then on Wednesday afternoon we were contacted by our consultant. She will be the one basically holding our hand through this whole adventure. We have a call set up with her for later on today, and Chris and I are both really excited about it. Once our call was set up, our consultant immediately started sending us cases to consider. We obviously had to fill out form after form on what our preferences are, and we will receive cases specific to our preferences soon. But right at first we are being shown anything and everything, so that we can get an idea of what kind of information we will be looking at from the expectant parents, and from the different placing agencies.

We ended up saying no to all three of the cases we were shown on Wednesday, which is totally fine because we were not expecting them to match what our preferences are. But it was so incredible to be reading about these women and their babies, all over the country, and knowing that some lucky families are going to welcome those babies really soon! We are really excited to start receiving cases that are specific to our preferences, and to start presenting to expectant mommas. I’m a little nervous, to be honest. The unknown tends to cause a little anxiety for me. But that’s okay. I’m not scared, I was born to do this. (Thanks St. Joan of Arc for the lovely words I definitely paraphrased. 🙂 )

I’m so thrilled to be doing exactly what God planned for us from the moment he made us and decided Chris and I would be a family. It’s really amazing to know that we will be able to love and raise a child I did not give birth to, but who was meant for our family from the beginning of time. And that there is a brave woman out there carrying that baby right now. Talk about humbling. And overwhelming. But so beautiful.

I just love that this past week has been filled with so much joy and so many fun things. Not only are we active now, but we had the best weekend (surprise crawfish boil – yes please!), and Chris and I celebrated five years of married life yesterday! It’s so hard to believe that it’s already been five years. It flew by. So much has happened in these married years. We built a house, found out we were expecting, experienced a miscarriage, traveled to several states and to London and Paris, said goodbye to two grandparents, and started the adoption process. We for sure didn’t imagine all of those big changes and journeys happening in our marriage, much less happening so early on. But God’s plans are better, y’all. Not the miscarriage and infertility and loss of family members parts of the plan, but definitely everything else. He’s always good.

I’m so thankful that God gave me Chris to share this life with. I definitely didn’t do anything to deserve him, but I’m extremely glad he’s mine. We celebrated our anniversary with spaghetti (a tradition since our first wedding anniversary) and homemade bread. I baked the bread this time. Normally Chris does it, and he never lets me help because it’s his project. A little back story for y’all: the first time I ever made bread it came out really terrible, so Chris found another recipe and of course he had to show me up. His rolls came out beautiful, and it infuriated the competitive part of me, but also made me really happy because I love bread. I get so excited every time he says he’s going to bake bread. But this time, I outdid him. Those rolls I made came out so fluffy and so light you’d swear you were eating a deliciously buttery cloud that was terrible for your waistline but oh so good for your soul. But, while I may have outdone Chris on the bread, he did bring me a beautiful bouquet of red roses, and if you know Chris, you know that buying flowers hurts his feelings. So every time I receive flowers from him, because he knows I absolutely LOVE getting flowers, I’m reminded just a little more of how much he loves me. God gave me such a good husband. 🙂

Please keep all those prayers coming for us as we start receiving cases and discerning whether or not to present to them. And pray even more for the expectant moms/families we will be presenting to. I can’t imagine how hard this process must be for them, and I know they need all the prayers they can get. I will keep y’all updated on all the exciting, scary, new turns this journey takes us on, and knowing that you are all praying for us is so beautiful and special. I’m praying for y’all too! ❤

Hey hey! We’ve had some fun stuff going on in our adoption process these last couple of weeks. Last Monday we got the confirmation that all of our documents had made it to our consulting agency, and this past Monday we got the email that our profile books had been delivered! Which is a huge deal!

We were told that our documents were being handed off to the consultant we will be assigned to, and that for them to go over everything and get to know us a little bit through our paper work takes around a week. I’m definitely disappointed it takes so long, but I guess I can understand why. We sent them 125 pages worth of documents for review, and we are certainly not their only clients. So I’m just trying to go with it, and take everything in stride, while remembering that God’s timing is perfect. I’m really hoping that by the start of next week we will be fully active with our consulting agency! Basically, that means that we will be assigned a consultant who will walk us through all the steps of presenting to different situations, and we will start receiving information on different expectant families. We are certified to adopt in 48 states, so our baby could come from pretty much anywhere in the country except New York and New Jersey. Our consulting agency has partnerships with placing agencies all over the United States, and when those agencies receive situations, they send them to our consulting agency, who in turn sends us the information in order for us to decide if we would like to present.

If we choose to present, it’s essentially us saying that we are open to accepting that match should the biological family choose us. Then our profile book is sent to the expectant momma for her to look over, along with lots of other books from other hopeful adoptive families. And I just can’t believe we are so close to being active and to having expectant families seeing our profile. It feels surreal, a little bit. I know I’ve said it before, but we have just waited so long for this, and now that it’s finally really happening, it almost doesn’t feel real!

Since we are getting so close to being an active waiting family, I’ve really been thinking a lot about our future child’s biological family, specifically his or her mother. With all the strides being made in the pro-life movement, and the push back from the pro-abortion side, I can’t help but be glad that there are so many women who choose life for their babies, not just because we are hoping to adopt, but because it’s the right thing to do. I feel overwhelmed with emotions when I see women marching in the streets for the “right” to kill their unborn children. And I feel so sad when I see that women in crisis pregnancies are being told by professionals and even family members, under the guise of empowering them, that it is their right to abort their babies. That they are not strong enough to carry their children to term and place them for adoption. That they are incapable of having a full-term pregnancy and still having a meaningful life of their own. Or that if they were raped, the life of the child within them is not worth saving, simply because of the circumstances of their conception.

I’ve been so saddened by how angry people are getting, especially recently, because they truly have accepted the lie that they have the deciding vote over the life of an unborn child. That child’s body is separate from his mother’s, and it deserves to be saved. It just blows my mind that people still think abortion is a religious issue. It’s not. It’s a societal issue, it’s a humanitarian issue, and it needs to be stopped. The fact that abortion is something people think they should have a right to speaks volumes about our society as a whole. I’m not saying that women who have been raped can’t be horrified and angry and bitter, or that they have to be happy about carrying the child of their rapist – a rapist who, by the way, should rot in prison. I can’t begin to imagine the fear, hurt, and rage that would come with such circumstances. But the fact remains that the child potentially resulting from that heinous act still deserves a chance at life. We can’t say that babies conceived in rape, or born into poverty, or born with defects or disabilities have less value than those that were planned and who are born completely healthy. We can’t. That’s completely false. Because every single human life is valuable and worthy of being protected, from the moment of conception until natural death.

I am thankful that so many women experiencing unplanned pregnancies have chosen life for their babies. I’m thankful and overwhelmed that some of them choose to place their babies for adoption. I’m blown away by the fact that one of those brave, selfless women is hopefully going to choose us to raise her baby. I mean, that’s just incredible to me. So while abortion is the most horrific evil to plague our world at the present time (or ever, for that matter), I am so proud of how many people have stood up against it. It’s not easy to be pro-life these days, in the age of social media. People say some terrible things, on both sides of the aisle, because they are hidden behind a computer screen and forget that those on the other side of that screen are actually people. We need to remember that our words are important. And we need to be cognizant of the fact that emotions are high, and screaming and yelling won’t ever change anyone’s mind, let alone their heart. Because that’s what really needs to change. We need to be examples of the pro-life movement in the most loving, kind, and patient way we can.

Okay y’all, I’m done with my rant. I know a lot of people see things differently from me, and I respect your opinions, and am in no way judging you, because that’s not my job. It is my job as a Catholic (as a human being, actually) to stand up for the rights of the unborn. To be a voice for those who can’t speak for themselves. When the most vulnerable members of our society are targeted and destroyed, we can’t be surprised when we see our world going to Hell in a hand basket. But I have hope, because I see how many people are stepping up and speaking up, and how many women are discovering that they are strong and brave enough to carry their babies, regardless of their circumstances.

Please continue to pray not just for us in our adoption journey, but much more importantly for the unborn, for the women contemplating abortion, for the fathers of those babies, and for an end to this culture of death. The pro-life movement is strong, and I know that good will triumph. In the meantime, I’ll just be over here praying, for y’all, of course, and for an end to abortion. I hope y’all are too. ❤

Hey y’all! Since Mother’s Day was last Sunday I wanted to take a minute to wish all you mommas out there a belated Happy Mother’s Day, and to say that I hope y’all had a lovely, restful day. My day was not so nice, haha. It’s still hard to feel like a momma, but to have empty arms. But that’s okay. There’s always next year.

I have written and deleted and rewritten this post three times now, because I thought I was going to write something super inspiring and insightful about Mother’s Day and mothers in general (because obviously I’m very insightful and inspiring 🙂 ) but it just wasn’t coming out like it sounded in my head. But when I sit down to write these weekly posts I always try to just write whatever I feel like God’s prompting me to write. I know that sounds weird, but I’ve found that planning out my posts before hand doesn’t always work, and it’s better if I just start writing without a clear idea where I’m going to end up, haha. And I’m just not feeling the original post I thought I had all planned out.

I think what I really want to say is that our joy shouldn’t, and ultimately can’t, come from earthly things. It should always come from God, and from our knowledge that we are His children and are unconditionally loved by Him. I spent all day Mother’s Day feeling sad and angry and hurt. It was basically just like that holiday has been for the past three years. But on Monday, once I snapped myself out of the funk, I realized that I was 100% letting my circumstances dictate my level of joy in life. And that’s just not the best way to live your life, people.

When I saw the other mothers stand in church on Sunday to receive their special blessing, I felt so many emotions, anger being pretty high on the list. But I was angry for my circumstances, over which I have absolutely no control, and I wasn’t angry at the women standing in church. They deserve to be applauded and praised and recognized, and it should happen every day of the year, not just one Sunday in May. But I was so upset, and working so hard to fight back the tears, that I couldn’t recognize those women for being wonderful mommas to their children. I was so upset for myself, and my joy was diminishing (it wasn’t too plentiful to begin with, if we’re being honest here) when it should have been increasing because of the hope that next year, I’ll get to stand with a baby in my arms and receive that Mother’s Day blessing.

I know Madeleine made me a momma, even though many days it doesn’t feel like it. I know full well that I could, and probably should, stand with all those other women in church on Mother’s Day. But I just can’t bring myself to do it because I feel like I don’t deserve it. I feel like I haven’t done anything in my motherhood that has earned me a spot in the ranks of all those other women who spend their days wiping snotty noses and kissing skinned up knees, waking up in the middle of the night with crying children, and reading bedtime stories. But you know what? I may not have had the opportunity to hold or rock or comfort Madeleine, but I’m still her mother. And all you other women who have babies in Heaven are mothers too. We might not see our babies, but we will always love them. And we can be joyful in the hope that we will be reunited with them in Heaven one day.

Well, I guess this was a post about Mother’s Day after all. 🙂 But really, it was just to help remind myself, and y’all, that our joy has to come from God if it’s going to last. We can’t base our worth or our happiness in the things that this world has to offer because this world is not going to last forever. We are destined for so much more than this life. And that’s something that I really have to work at remembering, because I want things in this life to go according to my plans, because otherwise I tend to get upset and anxious. But ultimately, this is not the life that any of us should be putting all our efforts into. We should be putting all our efforts into gaining eternal life, and the only way we can really do that is by accepting God’s will for us each day here on Earth. And knowing that He only wants the best for us can help make that acceptance just a tiny bit easier.

So be joyful in the pursuit of God’s will for your life, even when it feels difficult or painful. Be joyful in the happiness of others, even when their happiness might cause an ache in your heart. Be hopeful in the promise that God has beautiful, incredible plans for your life. I never imagined my life being what it is today. I freaking love my life y’all. I LOVE IT. Even with the hard stuff, I love it. Because it’s so obvious to me that my life, and our marriage, and our plans for children, are guided by God, and even when I kick and scream about His will, everything always comes out for the best in the end. I may not see right now how all the negative things will work out for my good and I certainly don’t understand why things like miscarrying ever had to happen, but I know with every ounce of my being that God has a plan for me, and that plan involves being reunited with Madeleine one day, so for that I’m thankful and joyful. I’m so excited to see where He takes us on our adoption journey, and I’m thrilled that next Mother’s Day I’ll feel like I can actually celebrate. If you struggled this Mother’s Day, I’m praying for you. I truly do know how you feel, and I know it’s not a good feeling, but I also know that it’s temporary. You’re not alone and you can get through this, and you will have better, happier, brighter days. I’m praying for y’all! ❤

Hey y’all, welcome back! I hope you all had the most wonderful week, and I’m so glad you’re taking time out of your day to stop by here and catch up. I have so enjoyed the opportunity to share this journey with y’all, and I’m really thankful that you keep checking in every Friday, and following along with our story.

Those of you who read last week’s post probably remember how I mentioned that we were waiting on our completed home study to come in the mail. We already knew we were approved, but we just couldn’t scratch it off the list until we were holding the documents in our hands. Chris and I are both planners and list makers, and definitely enjoy getting to check things off our lists, but we have to know the item is completed before we strike it through. So we needed to actually be in possession of the home study. Well. There was quite a bit of hullabaloo (I love that word) involved in getting those documents.

Our social worker told us last Tuesday that she was mailing the completed home study to us and we should’ve had it by last Thursday. So we waited and waited and waited, and last Thursday came and went and we did not receive the home study. We checked with the post office and they didn’t have our package. We started to get nervous but kept it under control – barely. Then Saturday rolled around and still no home study, so we got in touch with our social worker and turns out the wrong mailing address was used on the package. We don’t have a mailbox at home, so our mail is all sent to the post office. But our physical address was on the package and the US Postal Service doesn’t deliver to us. So we didn’t know where in the heck our home study was.

Cue the anxiety. We literally had no idea whether or not the package was placed in someone else’s post office box, or if someone else had unknowingly taken it home, or if it had been thrown away, or a million other possibilities that anxiety tends to make your mind turn to. Then, this past Tuesday, we found out that the social worker had a tracking number she’d forgotten about, and it showed that our home study had never left the post office in our town. It had actually been sitting in a bin in the post office for 4 days, but nobody could find it before then. Cue happy dancing and deep sighs of relief.

Like I said, lots of hullabaloo surrounding our completed home study. But we got it y’all! All 17 pages of it! It’s home, it’s filed, and it’s scratched off of our list of required documents to become active with our consulting agency. Which means that we can mail off said documents! Because everything we needed to get done is D O N E! Our profile book will be mailed directly to the consulting agency by the lady who is making it, so we don’t really have to worry about that too much.

Speaking of our profile book, I just have to tell y’all that some people in this world remind me in big ways that God is so, so good. And that people are definitely still striving to make positive impacts in this world. We needed some professional photos taken of us for the front cover of our book. We have some great pictures already, but none of them were high resolution enough for the cover. So as those of you who are friends with me on Facebook know, I reached out in search of a photographer who would donate their time and skills to help us out. And my goodness, we were helped in a big way! The photographer who did all our wedding pictures, as well as our engagement session and my bridal photos, reached out to me and told us he would be honored to donate the pictures we needed.

I was blown away by his kindness and could not be happier with how our photos turned out. We did them over the weekend, in my parents’ back yard, and they are beautiful. The photographer had them finished in a couple of hours, which I was not at all expecting. He went above and beyond for us. We told him we needed 5 pictures, and he sent us 22. 22 y’all! And they’re perfect! We are so thankful.

On Monday we sent all the photos to the lady making our book, and were told we’d probably be looking at about 2 weeks before completion. But yesterday morning we got an email that it’s already been approved by our consulting agency and it’s ready for our final edits! We got to go through the PDF version of our book and I won’t lie, I cried when I looked at it. We have a few edits, but nothing major, because it really captures who we are, and I love it.

I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve. So much excitement and anticipation. There are definitely some nerves and a little anxiety too, because fear of the unknown is real. But that’s okay. My overwhelming feeling is of joy and gratitude and excitement. I have a friend who has told me several times that she just keeps feeling and seeing God’s hand in our story, because of all the beautiful little glimpses He’s given us that He’s looking out for us and guiding us. And it’s absolutely true. Every time I feel overwhelmed with emotions like fear or anxiety, God steps in and replaces those negative feelings with so much peace. I’m beyond excited for this process.

Once our documents have been received by our consulting agency, and when they have the profile books in hand, we will become an active, waiting family. Which means we’ll be able to present to expectant mommas. Okay, I’m freaking out a little bit just typing that. It’s coming so quickly, after we waited so long. I know that this is just the start of a much bigger adventure, but y’all, it’s a beautiful adventure. It’s an incredible blessing and gift that we are in a place in our lives where we can adopt a baby. It’s absolutely amazing to me.

We can definitely feel all your beautiful prayers for us, friends. I’m so glad that God put it on my heart to start this little blog and share this stuff with y’all because I honestly don’t know how we’d be coping with all these big changes if we didn’t have your prayers to help us through the tough days. I can’t wait till the day when we get to introduce y’all to the baby God has waiting for us. I’m praying for y’all! ❤