Hey!  I’m so glad you’re back.  It means a lot to me that y’all continue to follow along with this little project of mine every week.  I love getting a chance to share our story, and it’s fixing to get a lot deeper and a lot more personal.  You’ve been warned. 

Y’all already know I love the married life.  Love.  It.  Getting married is pretty much the best thing we ever did.  It did take some getting used to, though.  Marriage brought a lot of changes for us.  We had to get used to sharing a home together, and really learning each other’s quirks and routines in a different way than we did when we were dating. 

If you know Chris at all, you know he’s super neat:  everything has a place and everything should be in its place.  I’m talking evenly spaced papers on his desk, shoes in perfectly straight rows in his closet, and matching clothes hangers for his shirts.  I, on the other hand, am…less neat.  I tend to keep everything neat in the main part of our home, because I do appreciate order and clutter can make me a little anxious, but my personal spaces, like my closet, are messy, because that’s more my natural tendency (which is really weird because, like I said, clutter makes me anxious – does that make me an enigma?).  I have twenty different types of clothes hangers in my closet, my car has a little bit of junk in it sometimes, and I tend to be a very messy cook.  I think it causes Chris actual physical pain when he’s home and I’m baking anything because ingredients are all over the place. 

It used to be worse.  For instance, when we first got married, I left crumbs from the toaster on the counter in the kitchen.  I grew up in an extremely large family (I have seven younger siblings) so there were always things out of place.  It’s just how it is.  It’s impossible to keep a totally neat and clean and crumb-free home with so many people dropping things all the time.  (My poor momma.  We gave her such a hard time.)  So crumbs on the counters, especially the brown counters we had in the trailer, were sort of like white noise to me.  I totally didn’t notice them.  But Chris did. 

I still remember Chris bringing me over to the counter and pointing out the fact that there were Pop-Tart crumbs all over the place.  I literally hadn’t even noticed them.  He tried so hard to be kind about it and not come off like he was judging me for my poor housekeeping skills.  But I got defensive anyway.  Mostly because I always get defensive when someone points out things about me that I don’t like, especially when  I know they’re right in pointing them out.  (Sorry Chris)

Thankfully, over time, we got into the rhythm of each other’s habits, and learned how to handle the little conflicts and disagreements that inevitably arise.  I’ve learned that when Chris is in a bad mood, it’s best to just wait it out.  Trying to talk him out of it makes it exponentially worse.  But he is totally capable of bringing me out of a bad mood.  He says the same things to me that I say to him, but it works on me.  Chris, on the other hand, has found out the hard way that I need to stick to plans.  Not plans to go out and do things, but the little checklist of plans that I have in my head at all times.  I need to get everything on that list done and then we can just roll with it.  When my plans are thrown off – look out.  I’m not a happy camper.  And yet Chris takes it all in stride.  I don’t try to talk him out of bad moods and he doesn’t tell me to just relax on the plans already.  I’ve also learned that it’s best to do any type of baking when Chris is gone because he can come home and enjoy the finished product without the agony of watching me produce said product.  It’s a balance that works pretty well for us. 

It really tickles me how we’re so similar and yet so different, personality-wise.  But we work so perfectly together.  I think a big part of that is the fact that we waited before we started trying to have kids.  We wanted to make sure that we were (are) a strong, solid married couple before babies came.  Now, I know what you’re thinking:  “Catholics that put off having kids?!  What??”  I know, isn’t it crazy?  No, it’s not.  There are a lot of misconceptions about Catholics and babies.  Lots of people think that all Catholics get married and start popping out babies right away.  And that we have 20 kids back to back because that’s what we’re supposed to do.  Well, we do love kids.  And we would like a bunch of them.  But Catholics get to practice prudence in those decisions just like everyone else.  We just can’t do it artificially.  Enter NFP.

Catholics are allowed to use Natural Family Planning to space out pregnancies, prevent them all together, or to help in achieving pregnancy.  Before we were married we knew that it was really important for us to learn how to be married.  What I mean by that is, we knew there would be plenty of changes taking place, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, and we felt it was important for us to navigate and get used to those changes before we started trying to have a baby.  We love kids.  Give me all the babies and I’m in my happy place.  But I do not for a minute regret the fact that we waited.  The nine months we spent working on making our marriage holy and strong, and learning how to serve each other 100% laid the foundation for the relationship we have now.  I’m absolutely certain of it. 

Had I gotten pregnant right at the start of our marriage, we would’ve been thrilled.  Completely overjoyed.  But through prayer and honest conversation, we really knew we should wait.  So we did.  But after about nine months, we knew it was time.  (As if us saying we were ready somehow made it the “right time” for a baby – how wrong we were!)

Close friends and family knew we were hoping to have a baby.  We told them because we wanted all the prayers we could get.  But it never occurred to either me or Chris that having a family would be a struggle.  As I said, I have seven younger siblings.  Chris has two younger siblings.  I have a ridiculous number of aunts and uncles and cousins.  It seemed like we should have no trouble carrying on the tradition of having a large family if we wanted to.  Nobody ever told us that it might not happen right away.  Nobody ever told us that the wait is incredibly difficult. 

We were so excited and hopeful at the start of our journey.  We just knew that every month was “the month.”  The month we’d see a positive pregnancy test.  And every month I would figure in my head when our baby would be due if I was pregnant.  And ever month we were disappointed.  But we still held on to hope.  I was extremely careful during the first several months we were trying to conceive.  I always made sure my food was thoroughly cooked, I would ease back on my workouts during the two weeks before I would be able to take a pregnancy test, and I was terrified to even have a sip of wine because if I was pregnant I just knew it would hurt the baby.  I do tend to go to the extreme when I get set on something, so this was no different.  🙂

We waited to visit the doctor until it had been a full year without conceiving.  It’s normal for lots of couples to take that long.  But after that year, we started going to the doctor to make sure everything was okay.  We took so many tests, and had so much blood drawn.  I got over my fear of blood work during that time, although I still have to look away while the blood is being drawn.  I never passed out though, and I’m pretty sure I have a pilot hole in my left arm from all the needles they stuck  me with.  We were tested for all the typical culprits that lead to infertility:  thyroid issues, insulin resistance, hormonal imbalances.  And we basically would leave the doctor’s office with “Just keep trying, it’ll happen when it happens.”

For future reference, that is never the right thing to say to someone in our situation.  We were told by so many people, “Just relax,” “You should get drunk, then it’ll happen,” “Don’t worry about it, worrying just makes it harder for you to get pregnant,” “Pray about it, maybe y’all are just not ready to have kids yet,”  “Y’all can always just adopt!”  Y’all.  THESE THINGS ARE NOT OKAY.  Believe me, I understand they come from a place of love, and from a place of wanting to fix whatever is the problem.  But if I hear one more person say, “Just strop trying, that’s when it’ll happen,” I might go ballistic.   

I completely understand that when people try to give advice or comforting words to someone in the grips of infertility, there is usually a lot of discomfort.  It’s something that nobody wants to talk about, and unless you’ve experienced it, it’s really hard to understand.  And in Catholic circles it’s even harder.  How many Catholics do you know that struggle to have kids?  Probably not that many.  At least, not that many that talk about it. 

As Catholics, and even just Christians in general, we’re taught that raising children is the best job we could have.  We’re taught that families mean children.  Never just a husband and wife.  Because that’s selfish.  You should have children.  And it honestly feels like there is no place for people like us in the Church sometimes.  When we go to mass, there’s not a single couple in our church that doesn’t have at least one child.  And that’s great!  It really is wonderful!  But it means that we’re separate.  It means that we don’t fit in with the family image represented in the Church.  Motherhood is touted as the greatest job a woman can ever have.  But when you can’t achieve motherhood, that really feels like a slap in the face. 

I never, ever, ever thought that infertility would play a part in our story.  It never crossed my mind.  We were blindsided by it.  It’s isolating, it’s intense, it’s heavy, it’s painful, and it’s not fair.  We have learned first-hand that struggles like this can make or break a relationship.  I’m so thankful that rather than making us angry or resentful or completely bitter (we’re still a little bitter sometimes 🙂 ) it’s brought us closer together.  There is no way to survive the agony of not being able to have children if you don’t have a support system to love you through it. 

I have so much more to share with y’all about our infertility journey, but I’m going to save it for next week.  Just because it’s heavy and emotional, and it’s hard.  People don’t talk nearly enough about the tough things, like infertility.  Especially in the Catholic Church.  But I’m going to.  So y’all get ready.  It’s coming. 

Please know that by starting to share these difficult parts of our life, I’m not looking for sympathy.  I am simply looking to shed a little light on this difficult and painful topic and to let you know that if you are struggling to have a baby, or just to find God’s plan in your life, I know how you feel.  I’m here for you.  Chris and I know all too well how devastating infertility is.  And that never goes away.  It’s always there, in the back of my mind, gnawing at me.  But, even bigger than the struggle and the ache, Christ is always in the back of my mind too. And He will always be bigger and more powerful than any suffering.  I can’t count the number of times I’ve wept in the adoration chapel, or on the floor in our room, begging to know what kind of messed up plan God has going on for our future family.  Because y’all know I’m a person who sticks to the plan I have in MY mind.  But sometimes I forget that God’s plan is usually not at all like mine.  His is better, definitely, but sometimes, I’m not going to lie, I feel like God’s plan is pretty crappy. 

Does it make me a bad Catholic to say that?  Eh, maybe, but probably not. I guarantee you I’m not the first one to tell God exactly how I feel about His plans.  He already knows, anyway.  And I think He wants us to speak to Him in prayers plainly and simply, like we’re having a conversation with a friend.  So that’s what I do.  I cry and complain and tell Him how I feel.  And He loves me anyway and he carries me through the suffering.  And He loves and carries you, too. 

So if you ever say prayers for us, say one today, please.  Say a prayer that our arms will hold babies very soon, and that if they don’t, we can continue to praise God and His perfect plans and timing anyway.  I’m praying for y’all!  ❤

Hey friends! I am so excited to share some details about our wedding with y’all today. It’s one of my all-time favorite days. I love being married. I love everything about it. And it makes me really sad that so many people are really negative about marriage. I don’t know why there’s the negativity, but I do know that if more people understood the grace and the joy and beauty involved in marriage, they’d be much more inclined to think positively about it.

I’m sure that every one of y’all reading this today has heard that statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.  That’s just sad, isn’t it?  Couples start out with this great, beautiful dream for a lifetime of happiness together, and end splitting up.  When Chris and I talked about getting married, even before we were engaged, we knew it would be forever.  No exceptions.  We would be married forever.  And no matter what, we would always work through our differences.  Because we’re just not okay with not being together.  Our goal is to be married for 75 years – we’ll see how that goes. 😉 

But I’m getting a little bit ahead of myself.  Let’s go back to that beautiful day on November 24, 2013, when Chris proposed to me.  It was a Sunday, the weekend before Thanksgiving. That week I was going to meet Chris for mass.  We would alternate every week – one week I’d go to him, the next week he’d come to me.  I was supposed to meet him at church.  I left home in time for mass at 9 a.m., and I’d gotten a couple miles down the road when Chris called and said to turn around, he’d overslept, and we’d have to go to mass at 10.  So I went home again and hung around visiting with my mom until it was time to leave again. 

My momma and I started talking about wedding stuff.  I knew the proposal was coming, but I didn’t know when and I didn’t know where.  I had no expectations of a huge thing, and I didn’t need it.  I just needed Chris to ask me to marry him, wherever, however, and whenever he saw fit.  I had even been having dreams about it – I dreamed he gave me a ring made from an old piece of thin, rusty pipe.  And I thought it was beautiful.  When I told him about that dream I also told him that it didn’t matter to me what kind of a ring he gave me.  I didn’t want to pick it out or tell him anything I wanted, except that I liked round diamonds.  🙂   Little did I know, he’d already bought the ring by then. My mom knew the proposal was coming, because Chris had spoken to my dad beforehand, and my dad told my mom.  But my parents kept their lips sealed, even while I talked on and on that morning about bridesmaids dresses and wedding gowns and venues that would be pretty to hold a wedding reception.  It wasn’t out of the ordinary for us to talk about wedding stuff, but I am surprised that my mom never let on even the tiniest bit that morning that Chris had asked for my hand just days before.

Chris and I went to mass together like we had every Sunday for the previous year, and there was nothing unusual.  We went back to Chris’s house after church to drop off my car so we could ride together to his grandparents’ house to visit, like every Sunday.  When we got to his house, Chris said he needed to go in for a minute to check on something, and asked me to wait for him in the living room.  While I waited I could hear him rummaging around in the other room, and I remember thinking it was strange, but I didn’t say anything. 

When Chris came back into the living room he looked like he was going to throw up or pass out or both.  I was still really confused.  He came over to me, hugged me, told me he loved me, then got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.  I immediately said yes!  It was perfect.  I was completely surprised, and I cried, but not right away.  I think it took a second for the surprise to wear off, then the tears started! 

After I stopped crying and we’d had a while to let it sink in, we decided to tell Chris’s family first since we knew they would be all together at his grandparents’, visiting after church.  It was exactly as I’d imagined it would be to announce our engagement:  we laughed, we screamed, we jumped up and down till the house shook…it was really great.  I could hardly believe it was finally happening.  We were going to get married!  I was going to officially be a part of the family I had come to love so much, and even better than that, I was going to spend the rest of my life married to my favorite person. I mean, could you ask for a more perfect start to Thanksgiving break? Um, no, you can’t.

Because Chris had taken the week of Thanksgiving off, we had the whole following week to work on wedding plans. He planned it that way intentionally. 🙂 We picked the date, decided on the reception location, called up the priest, and set up our marriage prep courses and NFP (Natural Family Planning) classes. We also scheduled our engagement pictures and started working on our registry. I even bought my dress within a week of getting engaged. It was the third one I tried on, and I instantly loved it and knew I had to have it. And it was on sale, so win win!

When we called the priest at the church I grew up attending, we were told that we had to wait a minimum of six months before we could get married in the Catholic Church. That was disappointing, because in all honesty, we would’ve gotten married in a month if that had been an option. Six months just seemed ridiculous because we weren’t just deciding to get married on a whim. We had discussed it, we were on the same page, and we had a really solid relationship. I realized quickly, however, that the waiting period was for people who were not as well-prepared as we were. So we waited. We didn’t have a choice.  We discussed the implications of just running off, but decided that probably wouldn’t go over really well, so we ditched that plan.  🙂

At our first meeting with our priest, to discuss the ceremony and the actual sacrament of marriage, he had us write down some things that we felt would be non-negotiable in our marriage. I can’t remember everything we wrote down, but I do remember that high on my list was eating supper together every night. I felt, and still feel, really strongly about that. It was not okay with me for us to ever both be at home and yet have supper separately. And it is even more important to me now that we continue that practice once we have kids. It’s been such a blessing in our marriage that after spending a whole day apart, we have that time to just sit together, catch up on how our days went, and enjoy each other’s company. It’s such a simple thing, but it’s so important to dedicate some time for simple, everyday things like that. 

During our engagement we were required, as are most Catholics, to participate in a marriage prep course. We had the option to either do a weekend retreat, where we sat in talks all day long, or to do several separate meetings with a married couple who could give us advice and help us learn about some of the issues in marriage, our love languages, conflict resolution, and about the teachings of the Church on different topics. We chose to go with the mentor couple option. Every other Sunday for about three months we would meet with our mentor couple, and it was so wonderful to spend time with them. We learned A LOT. But one of my favorite things we learned is how very much on the same page Chris and I were.

We had to fill out these pages of questions every week following the meetings, but we had to do them separately. Then we would discuss our answers together, and go over them again in our meetings. Y’all. I know that couple thought we had to be cheating on the answers. Our answers to the majority of the questions were exactly the same. Almost word for word. We had spent so much time talking about what we wanted and needed from each other once we got married, that answering those questionnaires was a breeze! But we still learned a lot. Most importantly, I think, we learned to serve each other well, and how best to love each other. I had never considered my love language, and I never thought to figure out Chris’s. But once I knew what they were, it made a huge difference in how I served Chris, and helped me understand how he feels most loved. And that is unbelievably important in a healthy, strong marriage.

Looking back, waiting those six months really gave us time to grow in our faith, and in our love for each other. It felt like forever, but honestly, thinking about it now, it flew by. We had so many things to think about for those few months that the time really did pass quickly. We did all the usual things: engagement pictures, bridal pictures, showers, parties, registries.

Honestly, I didn’t have to have those things. Neither one of us needed the big party or the huge wedding. And all the planning was fun, but it was stressful sometimes, simply because it wasn’t what either one of us was especially concerned with. We just wanted to be married.  I didn’t really care if the cake was exactly right, or who the DJ was, or whether or not anyone else would like the food we chose. And I would’ve married Chris with nobody in that church except us and our priest. Because we were focused so much more on the marriage, rather than just the wedding. The wedding was one day, and our marriage is for life. But at the end of the day, our wedding and the reception following were AWESOME.

I don’t remember every detail of our wedding day. I wish I did, but it’s true what people say, that the day you get married is all a blur. Thank goodness we had a photographer and a videographer! I do, however, remember some parts of that day with extreme clarity. I remember sitting in the limo outside the church, after everyone else had gone in. It was just me and my dad. And I had butterflies in my stomach, but I never once felt scared. I was nervous I’d trip on my dress, but I never felt scared. 🙂 And one of my favorite memories of that day is standing outside the church before the doors opened, with my dad and my two favorite cousins, who are more like brothers, waiting to open those big wooden doors for us. When it was finally go time, all I remember is Chris. I could see him waiting for me at the altar, and it felt like forever to walk down that aisle, but on the other hand, it felt like a heartbeat. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I was even past the point of crying. I do cry when I’m happy because I’m a very emotional person in general, so I definitely expected there would be water works, but I was happy beyond crying. I can’t even explain it. But if you’ve felt that way, you know what I mean!

Different members of our families all had parts in the Mass, and it’s still so special to me to remember how our families and friends were there to see us get married, and to celebrate with us. We did our best to keep our wedding really special and personal to us and our lives.  I carried yellow roses because my Granny loved yellow, so they always remind me of her.  I also had her rosary wrapped around the base of my bouquet.  I wore a pin in my hair that was decorated with the dried flowers from my uncle’s funeral.  I was devastated that he was not going to be at my wedding; he passed away just a few weeks after we got engaged, and before I got to tell him in person that we were getting married.  So my mom had these beautiful little hair pins and tie clips made for the wedding, so that Uncle Mike would be represented and remembered on our special day. 

All those personal, sweet details are still the things that I remember most about our wedding day.  I love that our family was such a tremendous part of the day.  I love that we opted out of having a microphone on the altar, so when we said our vows, only Chris and I and the priest could really hear them.  At the reception, people who were close enough to the front of the church to hear our vows told me that they could hear me smiling. 

That joy we felt on our wedding day is still there today.  I mean, technically, in the grand scheme of things, we’re still just newlyweds.  It’s not yet five years since the best day ever took place.  But that joy lasts because we work at it.  And the excitement of being married to my favorite person is still there.  I am constantly in awe of the fact that I get to live out this vocation with Chris.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  don’t settle for anything less than real love.  Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t value you – all of you, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Because marriage is hard.  It’s hard work.  It’s hard to share everything, it’s hard to meet in the middle on your differences, it’s hard to authentically love another human being more than yourself.  And you need to go into it with that one person who will make all the hard stuff worth it. Will you have difficulties?  Yep.  Will you argue and disagree?  Yep and yep.  I guarantee it.  We’re human, we’re imperfect, and we always want our own way.  That’s just the way it is.  But isn’t it wonderful that marriage is there to help us become better people? 

 Being married has taught me to be a better person in so many areas, but to name a few, it has forced me to work on my communication skills (which are terrible, haha), it’s helped me learn the value of giving in rather than being selfish, and it’s helped me learn to love my husband better and more fully.  And in turn, I’ve learned so much more about God and His love for His Church and for us.  All by saying “I do” on May 30, 2014. 

I know there are lots of people out there who are really negative about marriage.  They think it’s a prison, they think it’ll get boring growing old with the same person day in and day out.  But y’all, marriage is such a grand adventure.  It’s truly a blessing.  So if you’re one of those people hating on the married life, maybe take a second to think about why you feel that way.  And then go out and find you a good example of a healthy, happy married couple. I promise you they’re out there.  Just because the statistics say half of the marriages that take place will end in divorce, doesn’t mean yours has to be one of them.  If God is at the center of your marriage, I truly believe it will succeed.  It won’t be easy.  But it will be happy and full and rich and filled to the brim with the joy you felt the day you said your vows. 

I’m surely not qualified to give any marriage advice, and I don’t want to, that’s not what this is about. This is about sharing what I’ve learned to be true: spending your life with your best friend in a relationship that you’ve committed to spiritually IS WORTH IT. It’s not just a piece of paper. Marriage is such a beautiful sacrament, and there are crazy amounts of graces to be earned through that vocation. I hope and pray that more people will recognize the beauty of marriage, and the joy that comes with it.

There are lots of trials that come with marriage too. And we’re certainly not immune to them. I never thought that we would have to deal with infertility. I never in a million years thought we’d struggle to have children.  Thankfully, though, we receive the graces we need to get through those hard days. But that’s a story for another day.

Please know that, as always, y’all are in my prayers. I do thank y’all for spending a little time reading about some of my favorite days and once again following along as I ramble about our little life out here. I think our simple little life is pretty sweet though. And we’re working hard on making that goal of being married for 75 years. 🙂 Pray for us friends! ❤

Hey everyone!  I’m so glad y’all are back!  If you get the reference in the title for this post, we can be best friends, by the way.  The Princess Bride is my favorite movie, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to use that line in the title.  Nerd alert, I know.  I also don’t care.  🙂

Okay, down to business.  I assume you’re ready to find out all about what happened next in the fascinating story of Chris and Hannah, right?  Alrighty then, let’s do this! 

Chris and I finally got together after he asked me out again in November of 2012, and the rest, as the saying goes, is history.  I was still finishing up my senior semester of college, so those first couple weeks were a little hectic for us.  I had to give a recital to finish up my requirements for graduation, and it took up a lot of my time.  (Despite what people think, being a musician means lots of practice and only a little glamour.  🙂 )

Thankfully, though, the date of the performance was only about two weeks into our relationship.  Chris was, of course, at my recital, and when he came to my parents’ house afterwards for the party, he basically met my entire family all at once.  Y’all, my family is LARGE.  So many siblings, so many cousins, so many aunts and uncles…it can get overwhelming for someone just meeting us for the first time.  But Chris stuck around.  I soon realized, though, that his family is extensive too. 

Chris’ birthday fell just shy of a month after we started dating.  Kimberly planned a surprise party for him on a Friday night, which had become our normal date night.  So when we were planning our date a couple days earlier, I had to lie to him and say that I had family coming in and I couldn’t go out that Friday.  It was so hard, too, because I don’t lie, y’all.  I clearly remember freaking out a little bit and racking my brains trying to come up with some excuse for why I couldn’t see him that Friday.  I knew it hurt his feelings, but I couldn’t let him know about the party!  He ended up being surprised when he showed up to Kimberly’s and I was not with family.  And that night, I met all of Chris’ cousins, and I was so welcomed, from the very first.  I quickly came to know his cousins as my friends, and it didn’t take long for them, and the whole rest of his family, to become my family, too. 

Within a few months of dating, Chris and I both knew that we wanted to get married.  We knew we weren’t just casually going out – it was intentional, and the intention was to get married one day. I think Chris was probably hooked when I started cooking for him on Thursday nights.  I’d go over after work and I’d cook, and we’d have a homemade dinner together.  He quickly realized I make a mean meatball stew, and my chicken spaghetti is pretty delicious.  But I think it was the yellow cupcakes with cream cheese frosting I made him for our first Valentine’s Day that really sealed the deal.  🙂 

We spent as much time together as possible in 2013.  Weekends, evenings, you name it, we were together.  We even went to the movies and saw Les Miserables, a decision Chris regrets to this day.  In my defense, I told him he wouldn’t like it and we shouldn’t go, but he was trying to impress me.  I cried during the movie and he looked at me like I was crazy while blood dripped out of his ears from all the singing.  I can’t count the number of times we watched Seinfeld and The Office while we ate dinner, or all the conversations we had about the future and how we wanted it to look. 

About seven months into our relationship, Chris asked me where I saw us in five years.  And without skipping a beat, I answered, “Married, with a couple kids.”  I can remember that moment like it was yesterday rather than six years ago.  Sitting on the faded brown sofa in the living room in Chris’ trailer, in the height of summer, with the sun shining really brightly through the window behind us.  And that answer was it.  I think it really made us both realize we were in it for the long haul. 

I really couldn’t help but fall for Chris.  He drew me out of myself in a way that nobody else could, and believe me, that is not an easy job.  He saw my twisted sense of humor and laughed right along with me, he saw my faults and loved me anyway.  Chris saw my fears, once he witnessed a crazy anxiety attack, he knew my hopes, and my dreams, and he has always, from day one, been the best at making me feel safe, respected, and loved.  By seven months into our relationship, it was really REAL. 

That realness was awesome, but it was also a little scary.  We both knew we’d date for a year and then most likely get engaged.  And it was so exciting because I wanted nothing more than to be Chris Marks’s wife.  But around August of 2013 we both started feeling a little terrified.  So much so, that we broke up.  Yep, we sure did. 

We met to talk about our fears on a Wednesday night.  I didn’t want to break up.  I loved this man more than anything, and there was no reason for us to break up, and neither one of us wanted to.  But we did.  The last thing I said before leaving that night was “You know I love you, right?”  Then I got in my car and drove the half hour home in a complete daze.  When I got back to my parents’ house I cried uncontrollably. 

The next day was my 4th day teaching at a new job, and friends, I cried ALL DAY LONG.  I felt sick.  My momma even came to see me during my lunch break just to make sure I was okay.  It was a really bad day!

I sat in the adoration chapel at school that day, all the way in the back, and I cried my eyes out before Jesus.  For the first time in nearly a year, Chris and I didn’t talk.  It was horrible.  But I knelt in that chapel and once again gave our relationship to God.  I realized soon after that the fear we felt came from the fact that we were learning that love is not a feeling.  Sure, feelings are involved.  But real, true, honest-to-goodness, stay-married-till-you-die love?  That’s a choice.  Love is a verb, people.  And when the butterflies started to wear off, I couldn’t understand what was happening.  I knew I loved Chris, there was no doubt about that, but when society tells you that everything is all about your feelings, and that being in love is one big butterfly in your stomach all the time, you start to believe it.  So one day, when those feelings, without diminishing, became peaceful and quiet and so content and happy, I freaked out.  We both kind of freaked out. 

That evening, after I went to adoration, Chris texted me.  He said he wanted to meet up so we could talk again.  I got a little mad!  I wasn’t mad at Chris, I was mad at the situation.  I was mad because I had spent the entire day crying and trying to be a decent teacher at the same time, and when I finally stopped crying, Chris wanted to talk.  And I knew I was going to start crying all over again.  But I never even considered not going to meet him.  I missed him.  We had only been apart one day, but I missed him terribly.  Ah, love. 

We met in the parking lot at Super-1, and when I sat down in the truck next to Chris, I realized the now- infamous one day breakup, that seemed so ridiculous and pointless, wasn’t pointless at all:  it made us both realize we never wanted to be without each other ever again. 

And three months later, we were engaged. 

That year dating Chris was one of the best years ever. It’s not easy getting to know someone, and it’s not easy being vulnerable and letting your guard down, and really letting yourself be loved.  I quickly learned how selfish I am, but at the same time how badly I wanted to spend the rest of my life making someone else happy.  Chris is the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met.  He always makes sure everyone around him is taken care of.  His kindness to his grandparents is beautiful, and seeing him with kids?  My goodness.  It melts my heart.  When we started going out my youngest sister was not yet two, and their bond is so sweet and special.  Chris has shown me that good, holy, godly men are out there, and that true love really does exist.  He loves me so well, in spite of all my faults.  He’s such a shining example of Christ-like love.

I also learned, thanks to good old C. S. Lewis, that love is, “…a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask and receive from God.”  When I came across that line from CSL’s book Mere Christianity, I knew I wanted our future life together to be based on that kind of grace-filled love, and I think we’re doing pretty well at it these days. 

If you’re waiting for the person God created for you, please know that they’re out there waiting for you too.  Don’t settle for anything less than true, giving love.  You’ll  know when you find it.  I surely never thought I’d get to experience real love, and then one day, bam.  There it was.  Right in front of me.  God is so faithful in His promises, huh?

Well, this turned out to be longer than I had originally intended.  Thanks for making it all the way through!  I can’t wait to share next week all about our engagement, our wedding planning, marriage prep, and our wedding day, and share an obnoxious amount of pictures because I can’t help it.  I love them. 

Please keep praying for us!  I’m definitely praying for y’all!  ❤

Hey there you lovely people! 

Did I keep y’all in suspense since last week’s post?  Y’all were definitely in suspense, right?  Yeah, you can admit it, I knew you would be on the edge of your seats waiting for the next chapter.  🙂  In all seriousness though, I love that y’all are enjoying our story enough to keep reading every week!  So, the story continues…

After Chris and I went out in April of 2012, he told me he really didn’t feel a spark, which we all now know was because I was so quiet on those first couple dates that he never got to experience my awesomeness. He did, however, say we could still be friends and just because we weren’t dating didn’t mean we couldn’t still talk sometimes.  I knew that wasn’t going to happen.  I figured we would never talk again. 

I was partly correct.  For seven months the only contact Chris and I had was the occasional “like” on Facebook.  I had planned a trip with my dad and one with my sister for the spring and the summer of that year, so I did have a lot of exciting adventures to keep me busy during those months.  My travels were incredible, and I loved every minute of both trips.  My dad and I went to Italy, Tunisia, Spain, and Monaco.  We saw Roman and Etruscan ruins, the ancient city of Utica, buildings designed by Gaudi, the famous statue of Our Lady of Montserrat, Grace Kelly’s grave, the French Riviera, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and one of Elton John’s houses (from a distance, but it was still exciting).   I visited England, France, and Italy with my sister and saw all the most famous sights around London, Paris, and Rome. 

To be honest, I know that had Chris and I started dating right away, I probably wouldn’t have had so much fun on those trips, because I’d have spent my time missing him rather than soaking up new experiences and cultures and beauty in parts of the world I’d never seen before.  I spent my 22nd birthday touring the Vatican y’all.  I saw the Sistine Chapel on my birthday.  The Pope, however, didn’t get the memo so he never had an audience to wish me happy birthday, but the years have eased the pain and I have recovered from that blow. So now, looking back, I can appreciate the delay, but at the time, it was a real punch in the gut to be rejected. 

I spent so much time over those next few months trying to convince myself that I did not have feelings for Christopher.  I told myself that I just misunderstood everything, and that God really didn’t plan for us to be together.  I even pretended it was true.  But I knew better than that.  I knew in my heart and soul that I had not misinterpreted God’s answer to my prayers.  For months I couldn’t get Chris out of my mind.  I couldn’t forget that first moment we met, when I knew he was the one.  So I began to accept that, while I had been right about Chris, my timing was just all off, and I’d have to just wait and see what happened. 

Then one day I saw my chance.  Actually, my chance was part of a master plan that Kimberly and I never discussed, but both just somehow knew we were following.  That plan involved me being a guest at her wedding.  I went ALONE to a wedding, where I knew a total of four people, because y’all, sometimes you just have to do the hard, nerve-wracking, anxiety-inducing stuff to get results.  So I did.  I had to see Chris again and find out if there was anything there.  Kimberly knew Chris and I belonged together, I knew it, it just took him a little longer to figure it out.

So there I was, alone at my friend’s wedding, building up my nerve to talk to this handsome, tall, blue-eyed guy I had begged God to send my way.  I built up the courage to talk to him in line for the buffet, and then later he snuck up behind me while I was trying to gracefully eat a piece of cake and he  surprised me so badly I nearly dropped the plate.  I later found out that Kimberly practically begged him to dance with me.  We did not dance.  But I was there!  And I put myself out there, and I knew the rest was up to him.  I left Kimberly’s wedding knowing that it had been my last chance with Chris.  But God had some fun plans in the works, too (not that I should have been all that surprised).

A day went by after the wedding,  then two, and Chris didn’t reach out.  I vividly remember sitting in my room crying because I felt like God had been yanking my chain and that I was all mixed up after all.  But I prayed anyway.  I remember saying, out loud, “Lord, if Chris and I are meant to be together like I think we are, You have to make it happen.  I’m giving it to You.” 

Y’all.  God’s good. The next evening, Chris texted me and asked me out.   We went on our second first date on November 9, 2012, and we’ve been together ever since.  Mere hours after I finally just gave up and stopped trying to control things,  God was finally able to put His plans into motion since I was finally not interfering anymore. 

I really feel so silly for doubting God’s plans when I think back on the story of how Chris and I finally got together.  I have had so many moments in my life since then where I feel like God’s still yanking my chain.  I feel like He shows me this clear-cut path and I take it, and it ends up at dead ends.  Or not nearly where I thought it would end up when I started down the path.  But our story was planned out way before we ever even came into existence.  It always reminds me of God’s perfect timing, and His grace when I feel impatient (which is about 99.9% of the time, honestly), and how perfectly and completely He loves me, even when I doubt Him.  It just brings me so much joy to have these little reminders that the Creator of the stars and the moon and the entire universe is looking out for me.  And for y’all too.

I hope that, if there are things in your life that seem impossible, you remember to trust God’s timing.  And trust that He will make a way to fulfill the desires of your heart.  Our love story didn’t stop being full of crazy things once we finally started dating.  Our whole time together, our engagement, our marriage prep, our wedding, right up to today, were all strewn with these perfect little reminders of how God’s hand was guiding us, and confirming over and over again that we were on the right path.  I’m so looking forward to sharing more with y’all next week! 

Thanks for sticking around for this week’s segment of ramblings by yours truly.  I’m praying for y’all, please keep praying for us!  And please  don’t ever forget how incredibly loved you are.  ❤

Hey hey friends!  Welcome back! 

I’m a tiny bit in awe of the fact that this year marks 7 years since Chris and I first met.  Seven years.  We’re getting old y’all.  (At least I’ll always be 1.5 years younger than Chris though, so I do have that going for me.) We actually met on a kinda-sorta blind date. 

When I was a junior in college I took a math class that I should not have taken.  It was terrible.  And for someone who already sucks at math (hi, that’s me) a class without a textbook and only word problems you had to solve mentally was really not the best choice for me.  But regardless of that poor life decision (which nearly destroyed my GPA because I failed it and had to take it again – no bitterness here though!) something good did come out of that class:  I shared a table with a girl named Kim, who is now my sister-in-law. 

Every day in class we would chat and visit and Kim often talked about her big brother Chris.  I didn’t think much about this Chris guy over the course of that semester because, let’s face it, I was just trying to make it through that dang math class.  But Kim and I kept in touch after we finished that semester.

A year or so later, in the spring of 2012, I got a message on Facebook from Kimberly.  She told me that she thought her brother Chris and I would be good together and she wanted to introduce us.  And that I should look him up on Facebook, which I promptly did.  Having been set up before, I wasn’t 100% sure another date with a guy I’d never met would be the greatest idea.  But I figured I had nothing to lose, so I decided to go for it. 

A little back story for y’all:  when I met Chris I was 21 and had never dated anyone.  I was painfully shy and took forever to warm up to people.  However, I really felt like I was called to get married and have children.  I chose my major (piano pedagogy) specifically because I knew that I could teach music and still have a family life, and not have to worry about juggling a big career and children one day.  I really just wanted an MRS degree, to be honest.  🙂  So I knew that if I wanted that life, I needed to get out of my comfort zone and go out with the people my friends set me up with. 

So.  Back to my story. I told Kimberly that we’d set something up.  Around the same time, I started praying that when I met the man that God made for me, I would know right away, and that it would be easy.  I didn’t want confusion, I didn’t want drama, I wanted straightforward, clear answers to my prayers.  I was tired of being set up on dates that went nowhere, I was lonely, I was sad because I thought my life was passing me by, and I really felt like I was called to the married life and couldn’t understand why God was making me wait such a long time.  I was 21, after all.  *insert eye roll here, from my older and much wiser self*

It was several weeks before the date we’d planned to get together, along with Kimberly and her fiancé (and now husband) Rob, so I continued to pray.  I prayed not just to easily recognize my future spouse, but FOR him as well, whoever he turned out to be.  Then, on March 30, 2012, Chris and I met for the first time.  When he stepped out of that truck I instantly knew he was the man I’d prayed for.  It sounds so crazy, but I immediately knew, and I thought to myself, “I’m going to marry him.” 

Friends, there are people in this world who will tell you that love at first sight doesn’t exist, and that prayers are never answered the way we want them to be:  those people are wrong.  Don’t listen to them. 

Chris was wearing jeans and boots and had (has 🙂 ) the most beautiful blue eyes you ever saw.  He was respectful, polite, had the same values as me, and I went home after that first date and told my momma all about him.  I just knew he was the one for me.  I can’t even explain to y’all how I knew, I just did. 

We went out again a couple weeks later and I was so excited about it.  But remember before how I mentioned that I was painfully shy?  Well, that shyness manifests itself by making me clam up.  Like, I couldn’t think of two words to say on our date kind of clam up.  Poor Chris.  We went bowling after dinner, and I loved every minute of it but I was so shy I couldn’t even show it.  So that 2nd date ended up being our last date.  At least, it was our last date for a very long time. 

To say I was crushed is an understatement.  I remember feeling heartbroken because I just knew Christopher Marks was supposed to be my husband one day, but how could he if he wasn’t sticking to the plan?!

Oh goodness y’all, me and my plans.  Isn’t it funny (and a little sad) how we put so much pressure on ourselves to follow this “plan” that we come up with for how our lives are supposed to go?   God’s plan is so much better.  And His plan for me and Chris was, and continues to be, perfect.  Even if it took a little while for me to realize that. 

Y’all already know Chris and I end up together, but I’ll give y’all a little break in the story for now.  But I can’t wait to continue to share how absolutely perfectly and beautifully it all worked out.  It’s actually a little freaky how my prayers were so clearly answered.  But God’s so gentle with me that way.  I think He’s sympathetic to the fact that He made me to be a planner and a schedule-keeper, and every once in a while He likes to let my plans go as I want them to.  Or rather, He helps me align my plans to His really well, so that way I at least have the illusion of getting my own way.  Ya know?  God’s just good like that. 

Please keep praying for us – I’m praying for y’all!  Be joyful, and know that you are so loved!  ❤

Hey everyone!  Thank y’all so much for all the support on my first post the other day!  I honestly didn’t think it would get too much attention, but y’all really did make me feel special!  I had so much fun writing that first blog, but oh man, when it came time to hit publish I was a nervous wreck.  I’m so glad I went for it though! 

I realized that I didn’t let anyone in on why I called this space Little Way of Joy.  So I thought I’d share.  I love Saint Therese of Lisieux.  LOVE her.  She’s my go-to saint for intercession, and has been a huge part of my life for pretty much as long as I can remember.  I was first introduced to her when my momma started reading us a set of books called “Treasure Box.”  We loved them.  The first several were all about the Martin Family and Therese and all her big sisters. 

As I got older I continued to learn about Therese, especially through reading her autobiography, “Story of a Soul.”  (If you haven’t read this book, drop what you’re doing and go order it.  Just do it.  You won’t regret it!)  My love for Therese has only increased as I’ve gotten older.  I identify with her more than with any other saint I’ve come across.  Not because I’m so holy or devout or anything like that, but because I’m not.  Therese’s life was simple and more or less ordinary, yet so profoundly holy at the same time.  She was intently set on her mission to love and to spread the joy of Christ wherever she went.  She entered the Carmel when she was only 15 (which was unheard of) and right away she set about living her Little Way of Love.  That was her vocation in life:  to love. 

Therese was joyful in the knowledge that God loved her.  She knew that no matter what happened in her life, God had a plan for her.  And she made the decision every day to choose joy regardless of her circumstances.  There’s this story I remember reading once, probably from “Story of a Soul,” about how there was a certain nun in the convent with Therese and every morning in the chapel, this nun would swing her rosary beads and they would rattle against the pew.  The noise would annoy Therese and ruin her concentration.  But instead of continuing to be annoyed with the sound of the rosary beads, Therese made up a song to go with the rattling. She praised Jesus in song to the sound that moments before had disturbed her prayer. 

That’s the kind of joyful I want to be.  That’s the kind of joy we should all have knowing that the God who created the universe created us and loves us the most.  I mean, yeah, it’s easy when things are going our way.  It’s always easy to thank God when we feel like our life is turning out the way we planned.  It’s when things are hard that we earn the most graces for choosing joy anyway.  Everything we do should be to earn grace.  Everything we do should point others in the direction of Heaven. 

I know life’s tough.  I know there’s always something to complain about. Just the other day the air conditioner in my car decided to take a break.  And y’all, it was hot.  Like, 85 degrees hot.  (Yes, I know it’s January, but tell that to South Louisiana, because it missed the memo.)  At first I was really upset about it.  I was hungry too, and that sure didn’t help the situation.  But I rolled down my window and started thinking how I could look on the bright side.  (I always try to play the Glad Game to see the bright side of things – sometimes it works, but sometimes I just don’t try very hard.)  At least I have a car!  And at least the weather was gorgeous, even if it was hot.  Did I instantly feel super great and filled with joy?  Not really.  But I did feel better.  And I took a couple minutes to be thankful for what I did have, rather than focusing solely on what I didn’t have. 

That’s something we all can do, y’all.  I’m nothing special.  I fail constantly.  I have a lot of stuff to complain about, and I do.  (Sorry Chris!)  But even in the middle of that crap that my day sometimes feels like, I have the amazing opportunity to make up a song to the sound of the rattling rosary beads.  And so do you.  So choose joy today friends.  Even when it’s hard, even when it would be so much easier to just wallow in self-pity and be angry.  Choose joy.  You don’t have to instantly be in a better mood.  To be honest, you probably won’t be.  But you will be instantly reminded that you probably have a lot more good things in your life than bad.  And isn’t that enough to make anyone a little less annoyed? 

Saint Therese has taught me that even though I feel like a nobody, I can hopefully bring others to Little Jesus.  And I don’t have to be the smartest person around (thank goodness – I would fail miserably!) or the wealthiest or the most charismatic.  I just have to love, and the joy will follow.  I mean, if Therese, with all her imperfections and shortcomings, could become a saint, I feel like I have a chance. 

Anywho, that’s more or less how I picked the name of this little project I’ve got going on here. From here on out though, now that all those pesky introductions are done, y’all are definitely going to get to hear all about our wild and crazy adventurous life. Haha. I kid, I kid. We’re entirely too cautious to be wild and crazy.

Thanks for popping in here again, I do appreciate it.  Please keep us in y’all’s prayers, and know that I’m praying for you, and that you are so loved! 

Hey there friends!  Welcome to Little Way of Joy!  I don’t know if anyone will ever stop by here and read these words, but if you do, thanks so much!

This blog is really as much for me as it is for y’all.  I think better when I write out my thoughts.  For the last few weeks I’ve really felt like I was being called to share more openly about the Catholic Faith that I love so much, and really just my thoughts about life and its crazy twists and turns and struggles and beauty.  And I have lots of thoughts.  So here we are. 

Before I get too far, I should introduce myself.  I’m Hannah – wife, dog-mom, sister, friend, music teacher, and most importantly, child of God.  My husband Chris and I have been married for about 4.5 years now, and I freaking love our life together!  It’s not always easy, but I honestly feel like I can do anything with Chris by my side.  He’s my favorite.  🙂  We live in our dream house out in the country, close to family and Wal-Mart, but far away from the hustle and bustle of the city. 

We’re practicing Catholics, and we have no children on earth.  I know:  crazy, right?  Catholics without kids?  What?  Yeah, it’s rough.  Infertility is hard.  Our sweet baby Madeleine is watching over us from Heaven though, and that does give me some peace and comfort. 

Which brings me to the whole point of this little project of mine:  Choosing joy in the midst of pain and suffering.  I struggle so much with that.  I tend to get really bogged down with the bad stuff and forget to see all the good things in my life.  But something I’ve found that really helps me is hearing that other people have the same kind of stuff going on in their lives.  It really helps me to be reminded that we aren’t alone in our sufferings.  We aren’t alone in our desire for children.  We aren’t alone in the heartbreaking miscarriage of our baby, 2 years ago this month. 

This is hopefully going to reach someone who needs to be reminded that you’re seen.  Your sufferings don’t go unnoticed by God.  If you’re struggling with infertility, please know that you are not alone.  No matter what your struggle may be, God’s bigger.  And even when it feels like He’s walked away and left you to fend for yourself, He’s still right there, waiting for you to hand your struggles over to Him.  Don’t kick and scream about it.  It doesn’t work.  Believe me, I know.  Just let God take them and carry them for you. 

Wow.  That was long-winded.  If you’ve made it this far, you’re awesome!  Thank you!  I hope you stick around for future posts.  I’ll be sharing our adventures, how we handle the tough days of infertility, especially as Catholics, and our mundane but oh so beautiful lives as old married people.  (Well, one of us is old now, but it’s not me.)  Just life stuff, ya know? I hope y’all come hang out again!  Until then, know that you’re in my prayers, and that I appreciate ya!